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Literature
Believe Me
Believe me when I say,
I will love you forever and a day.
But you hurt me & you lied.
Kept things from me
I cannot abide.
I won't let you
Hurt me anymore.
So goodbye.
Please leave.
There's the door.
I'll miss you
And I know
You'll try to come back
Once or twice.
Yet you know how I am
When my mind is made.
You took advantage
Of all I gave.
I deserve to be
Loved in return.
I will stand firm.
No longer cave.
Gilt will keep you at bay.
No longer coming back to try
To make it real this time.
I love you.
I can't lie.
But to trust you again?
Not on my life.
So this is goodbye.
~Shalimar A. Orion
:iconShalimarAOrion:ShalimarAOrion
:iconshalimaraorion:ShalimarAOrion 2 0
I'M BACK !!! by NanoMortis I'M BACK !!! :iconnanomortis:NanoMortis 2,718 83 Dark dragon [Ebay] by AlviaAlcedo Dark dragon [Ebay] :iconalviaalcedo:AlviaAlcedo 1,231 20 Legacy of the Crane by Lyraina Legacy of the Crane :iconlyraina:Lyraina 135 4
Literature
Shut Off My Heart
Please don't tell me that you care.
Or want to know how my day was.
Don't fill my head with a wistful air.
Don't pretend that you'll always be there.
We both know I'm just a pastime
For your boredom.
A place holder til you find
Someone more fun.
Or something else to do.
Please stop trying to make 
Me like you.
I feel so strongly, so deeply.
You couldn't possibly understand
My complicated feelings.
I also want and need things.
I wish it could be you.
More than anything, it's true.
My heart is so used to being
Broken and bleeding.
I want someone I can
Come home to.
When I'm lost,
He'll find me and run too.
Someone strong enough
To lean on.
But can be strong enough
To let me be when I need to.
Who knows how to hold me
But will still let me fly.
Be my partner,
My best friend,
My teammate,
My guy.
Maybe you've never had
A love like that.
Maybe you thought it
Didn't exist.
Maybe you lost it and
Like me fear it will never
Come around again.
So you chose to be closed off.
Just playing aro
:iconShalimarAOrion:ShalimarAOrion
:iconshalimaraorion:ShalimarAOrion 1 0
Deep Sea Merman by Muirin007 Deep Sea Merman :iconmuirin007:Muirin007 228 14
Literature
Smooth Talker
You are such a smooth talker.
Never did I think you were
Interested in me.
Even when I was seeing another.
I felt like you were watching me.
You passed from lover to lover.
I hung out with you boys.
I am your friend.
I didn't want to be one of your toys.
The girls came and went.
I heard about your score.
Though I can't say I'm not tempted.
I might like it and ask for more.
I miss the awkward talks.
You can really make me blush.
You can send shivers down my spine
With the slightest touch.
So I tried to play it off
Maybe to my doom.
Just cracking jokes,
Felt like a purple hippopotamus
In the room.
Anything to break the tension.
To cool down the heat.
Even you would drop things
Or we'd get interrupted.
My friend I still wonder
How you're doing.
I hope your well.
Please excuse me if I
Avoid eye contact
Or I'll be caught
In your spell.
~Shalimar A. Orion
:iconShalimarAOrion:ShalimarAOrion
:iconshalimaraorion:ShalimarAOrion 1 2
Literature
Why Not?
I want to be your obsexsion
:iconEremitik:Eremitik
:iconeremitik:Eremitik 5 16
Storytime by NanoMortis Storytime :iconnanomortis:NanoMortis 2,324 0 Kirk by euclase Kirk :iconeuclase:euclase 786 14 Luxury Data by euclase Luxury Data :iconeuclase:euclase 458 31 rampe by crossfading rampe :iconcrossfading:crossfading 61 3
Literature
Torn
Sometimes I want to be with you.
I think it could be the most
Amazing thing in the world.
I think we'd finish
Each other's sentences.
Have the most epic debates.
On the other hand:
We're so different
To the extreme.
Even seeing the little
Windows into your life
Seems like a wild dream.
To be in it
Would be so fantastical.
I think I may lose my mind.
Or would it go horribly
And become a bloody nightmare.
~Shalimar A. Orion
:iconShalimarAOrion:ShalimarAOrion
:iconshalimaraorion:ShalimarAOrion 1 0
Daydream by NanoMortis Daydream :iconnanomortis:NanoMortis 2,073 0 Miniature unicorn by AlviaAlcedo Miniature unicorn :iconalviaalcedo:AlviaAlcedo 1,175 33 The Lamb and the Dragon by JoJoesArt The Lamb and the Dragon :iconjojoesart:JoJoesArt 2,972 149

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Genevieve
Artist | Varied
United States
I love photography...I love all art but there's something about using an old 35mm camera and just enjoying nature and seeing what develops...I plan on using film unless it becomes unavailable...then I will cry. :p I am also beginning to get into drawing and other mediums and dabbling more with digital photography.
Interests

Activity


...I move into a city that's in the middle of nowhere and I CAN'T GET REAL INTERNET SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!! So basically work told me today they had to "let me go". I'm devastated but not surprised. I have no way to come in. No car, bus would take 6hrs, no carpool. I have no one to "take me in" again. (Live with) Really can't afford to move again. Pay deposits and such again? Not to mention the money I spent already from moving once. That's not coming back. And who's to say if I did move that I would find another place that'll let me set up 2 different lines? Or takes pets? It took FOREVER to find this place! Had to window shop with no car too. Took me $100 each way on Lyft to see this place. I'm not made of money. No one offered to drive me and frankly my roommate, I didn't really want her or her crazy fam knowing where I was moving. And all my friends were already almost 2 hours away from me.

Two of them helped me get my stuff around last year but the roommate came to pick me up and whoosh...out from the city into the boonies. And now I'm so far out in the other direction I'm in a different county. Never lived outside LA county before. Weird. And still almost 2hrs from the closest friend. :( Honestly they were more acquaintance's who helped which surprised the f out of me. One's I'd known for 9+ years but hardly ever see each other. I am not fond of asking for help & it's harder accepting it. Most of them know that. Some of the hardest things I've had to do have been in these past 2 years. 

The Sup/Mgrs must have no clue what it is to live alone and live on Minimum Wage. Completely clueless. I know one who lives close to work (not a cheap neighborhood obvs) and her mommy helps her. Think she's older than me. Must be nice.

I don't want help again tbh. I'm a grown damn woman, I want to be able to provide for myself. And I get jacked up because of internet???? F.M.L.

I mean sure, I can't get slow speeds here; wifi or satellite which is like a cell phone plan with a data cap. But not something that work qualified as "good enough" to use even for short term. They wouldn't even consider letting me use my home connection til I could find a second one. 

They said they'd looked at Charter & Spectrum. Which are basically the same company. I offered a few other places that I'd tried, Dish, ATT, Verizon, and even some smaller companies that people prob have never heard of. No dice. Even one that does service said our building or something is "over-saturated" so I'd basically have to wait til someone moved out who had that service and freed up a port for me to use. There were FOUR empty apts when I moved in. So wtf did the other 3 use? Nothing or the satellite? IDK. Sigh.

And honestly with all the hassle I've been, would work REALLY take me back? They kept saying they will though they were pissing me off how blase they were about helping me out. Just tell it to me straight! Stop beating around the bush! Or the silence. THREE people on the phone with me and silence? (Think one mgr was training the other. Felt like a damn guinea pig.) There's something wrong with that. But sh*t. It was a job with insurance that I could do from home. I need it. I want it back if possible. Saved me a lot of time/money & peace of mind to not have to bus/walk it anywhere in the dark. 

They let me work a few days on my satellite connection last week and yah it was a bit slow. Calls had a bit of a delay & took longer than average for pages to load. But I still was doing about as many calls as I was before. Using an online phone & connection we all log into slows it down anyway. But they kept bringing it up how slow the website said my satellite connection was. Grr.

At least I got to work a few days last week and use up some of my vakay for the missed days so next paycheck won't suck like this one did. Idiots are so uptight about security I couldn't access anything when I wasn't working. And there's no way to look at stuff on a home computer. They said they'd pay me the rest of my vakay and whatnot for my severance or whatever...But it sucks. Supposedly they actually liked me. I was hoping to move to a different dept when one became open with a higher pay grade. Guests liked to talk to me, the agents, even coworkers . They were way nicer than my last job. Honest with information which is what I like. Just as usual the uppers don't have a clue. Everything is so separated/broken down you have to call 3 different depts to get an answer for something...and NO ONE had a clue what to do about me...

They really just seemed to have started a widespread program when I started last August. Everyone else lived in the area & could come into work if needed. I looked, there wasn't anything I could afford. People go there because it's a nice area & they live there til they die. Some apts had wait lists! I wasn't going to get a roommate unless it was separate bedrooms (so I didn't have to worry about working at home & us disturbing each other) & bathrooms that didn't cost as much as living alone. Even near work I don't think 2 people could afford a studio on min wage there. Ridiculous! 

...But now what? Hardly any work around here for me. Everything will be low pay. Do I file for unemployment? What if I can find internet and get the job back? (If it's MONTHS from now before then I'd lose all my seniority & raise I got. But who knows for sure if I've lost it now. I don't know. They didn't offer any info. Just like "IF we have a spot for you". UGH.) Do I tell my land lady I may not have rent? I should be ok for next month but the month after...? FML. 

I feel like my life is a failure. Always having to fight for everything...(Because well I don't feel like anyone has ever fought for me. Though my Sup is a nice guy I only half believe he really tried.)Then when things start to look up...BAM! Smacked back down. Been crying for like over 2 weeks now because of this. I'm so tired of crying...My friends were being all "chin up" & "(deity you believe in) will provide"...I've always been more of a blunt, look at things in one thousand different ways from good to bad. This is definitely the worst. I can't think of any reason they'd get better. Not that doesn't end exactly like this. Because that's my life. :'(
Not sure I like this internet connection. But out in the boonies it was hard to find one let me tell you! But finally online at my new place. :)
Finally found a place and am trying to find some last minuet help to move some of my stuff. Oy. Also work is being a pain about things too. Just want to get it all done and over with. Eh. :p
Pretty sure that is an accurate description of my life.

Spent a year with crazy people because my family wasn't going to take me in when I lost the new job and couldn't get more than $15 government help a month.

Got a new job, then they moved me, then didn't use me. Then I found this job.

Here I am trying to find a place I can afford on my pay...Only things so far are 2 hours away from work. It's been a b*tch to get places to call/email me back. I need to be out of here by the end of the month. Luckily I work mostly from home but it still stinks to be far just in case I do have to go in. And these places are in pretty good neighborhoods, just like so far away from like stores etc when you don't have a car at present. Just for the love of whatever I need to finalize things ASAP so I'm not SOL come the first!

...Then we get emails this week at work saying they didn't take enough taxes out of our paychecks and are going to garnish our checks from now til October. 

That amount of money was what I was counting on to pay for food and utilities!!!!!!!!!!

Also, how did they just figure this out and why did I get a tax return then??? FUUUUU!!!!
 
The job is only minimum wage. The cost of apartments here would take my entire paycheck. I'm tired of renting rooms and having to deal with the crazies. I need a quiet place to work that will let me bring the rabbit that will be safe for me and my stuff. Why is this so hard???

I've had a few people say I should move out of state. I love Cali. I would love to live in SF but am just fine in LA except it's F----- expensive! I said if I'm going to move, I want to move to London. I'm still asking the new Supervisor to check on ways to transfer for this job there. 

But right now I'm not liking this job. I'm super pissed at this job. I had a schedule issue that led me to be disciplined and that affected my 6 month review and shorted me a few cents of my whopping .50 cents of possible raise. 

The icing on the cake...My Grandfather died 2 weeks ago. The last few people in my fam that I speak to texted me this when I was still at work and I ended up crying whilst on the phone with my new Sup for the first time. I mean, we weren't close. But he was my Nana's husband and she was more like a mom to me than Grandmother. I didn't go to the funeral. Last thing I could do was to take time off to go 2 hours away and be around people that don't really love me like family should. She was upset that I couldn't go to the funeral. I said once I move I can meet her to put flowers on their graves. I'm thinking my Aunt and them will do the "slow fade" from my life now. Which is what I'd expect from them.

Everything feels messed up and I'm not sure how this is going to turn out. I'm so tired of things not working out.
...I move into a city that's in the middle of nowhere and I CAN'T GET REAL INTERNET SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!! So basically work told me today they had to "let me go". I'm devastated but not surprised. I have no way to come in. No car, bus would take 6hrs, no carpool. I have no one to "take me in" again. (Live with) Really can't afford to move again. Pay deposits and such again? Not to mention the money I spent already from moving once. That's not coming back. And who's to say if I did move that I would find another place that'll let me set up 2 different lines? Or takes pets? It took FOREVER to find this place! Had to window shop with no car too. Took me $100 each way on Lyft to see this place. I'm not made of money. No one offered to drive me and frankly my roommate, I didn't really want her or her crazy fam knowing where I was moving. And all my friends were already almost 2 hours away from me.

Two of them helped me get my stuff around last year but the roommate came to pick me up and whoosh...out from the city into the boonies. And now I'm so far out in the other direction I'm in a different county. Never lived outside LA county before. Weird. And still almost 2hrs from the closest friend. :( Honestly they were more acquaintance's who helped which surprised the f out of me. One's I'd known for 9+ years but hardly ever see each other. I am not fond of asking for help & it's harder accepting it. Most of them know that. Some of the hardest things I've had to do have been in these past 2 years. 

The Sup/Mgrs must have no clue what it is to live alone and live on Minimum Wage. Completely clueless. I know one who lives close to work (not a cheap neighborhood obvs) and her mommy helps her. Think she's older than me. Must be nice.

I don't want help again tbh. I'm a grown damn woman, I want to be able to provide for myself. And I get jacked up because of internet???? F.M.L.

I mean sure, I can't get slow speeds here; wifi or satellite which is like a cell phone plan with a data cap. But not something that work qualified as "good enough" to use even for short term. They wouldn't even consider letting me use my home connection til I could find a second one. 

They said they'd looked at Charter & Spectrum. Which are basically the same company. I offered a few other places that I'd tried, Dish, ATT, Verizon, and even some smaller companies that people prob have never heard of. No dice. Even one that does service said our building or something is "over-saturated" so I'd basically have to wait til someone moved out who had that service and freed up a port for me to use. There were FOUR empty apts when I moved in. So wtf did the other 3 use? Nothing or the satellite? IDK. Sigh.

And honestly with all the hassle I've been, would work REALLY take me back? They kept saying they will though they were pissing me off how blase they were about helping me out. Just tell it to me straight! Stop beating around the bush! Or the silence. THREE people on the phone with me and silence? (Think one mgr was training the other. Felt like a damn guinea pig.) There's something wrong with that. But sh*t. It was a job with insurance that I could do from home. I need it. I want it back if possible. Saved me a lot of time/money & peace of mind to not have to bus/walk it anywhere in the dark. 

They let me work a few days on my satellite connection last week and yah it was a bit slow. Calls had a bit of a delay & took longer than average for pages to load. But I still was doing about as many calls as I was before. Using an online phone & connection we all log into slows it down anyway. But they kept bringing it up how slow the website said my satellite connection was. Grr.

At least I got to work a few days last week and use up some of my vakay for the missed days so next paycheck won't suck like this one did. Idiots are so uptight about security I couldn't access anything when I wasn't working. And there's no way to look at stuff on a home computer. They said they'd pay me the rest of my vakay and whatnot for my severance or whatever...But it sucks. Supposedly they actually liked me. I was hoping to move to a different dept when one became open with a higher pay grade. Guests liked to talk to me, the agents, even coworkers . They were way nicer than my last job. Honest with information which is what I like. Just as usual the uppers don't have a clue. Everything is so separated/broken down you have to call 3 different depts to get an answer for something...and NO ONE had a clue what to do about me...

They really just seemed to have started a widespread program when I started last August. Everyone else lived in the area & could come into work if needed. I looked, there wasn't anything I could afford. People go there because it's a nice area & they live there til they die. Some apts had wait lists! I wasn't going to get a roommate unless it was separate bedrooms (so I didn't have to worry about working at home & us disturbing each other) & bathrooms that didn't cost as much as living alone. Even near work I don't think 2 people could afford a studio on min wage there. Ridiculous! 

...But now what? Hardly any work around here for me. Everything will be low pay. Do I file for unemployment? What if I can find internet and get the job back? (If it's MONTHS from now before then I'd lose all my seniority & raise I got. But who knows for sure if I've lost it now. I don't know. They didn't offer any info. Just like "IF we have a spot for you". UGH.) Do I tell my land lady I may not have rent? I should be ok for next month but the month after...? FML. 

I feel like my life is a failure. Always having to fight for everything...(Because well I don't feel like anyone has ever fought for me. Though my Sup is a nice guy I only half believe he really tried.)Then when things start to look up...BAM! Smacked back down. Been crying for like over 2 weeks now because of this. I'm so tired of crying...My friends were being all "chin up" & "(deity you believe in) will provide"...I've always been more of a blunt, look at things in one thousand different ways from good to bad. This is definitely the worst. I can't think of any reason they'd get better. Not that doesn't end exactly like this. Because that's my life. :'(

Comments


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:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2017
Thanks for faving Confession!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2016
How did the new job go yesterday?
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2016
Thank you for collecting all those pieces. I am glad you liked them!

I havent forgotten about our note. I just had a tone of work dropped on me and I havent been able to get to it yet.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkatagro:
katagro Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2016  Professional General Artist
Unicat  / speed painting by katagro
Hi! Glomp! 
Thank you with all 
my heart for fave!! Hug
I wish ya a nice day!! Hug
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconshroomer83:
Shroomer83 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2016
Thanks for the fav! :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconinnerfangirl:
InnerFangirl Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2016
Thanks for the llama! It was my first one and means a lot to me.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconemerladenightmare:
Emerladenightmare Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the llama!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmarianneeie:
MarianneEie Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the watch <3 I really appreciate it! :D 

Have a wonderful day!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconnoname4lyf:
noname4lyf Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Yo thanks for the llama ^^
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconfemalepad:
FemalePad Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the llama. :) It's much appreciated. 
Reply
(1 Reply)
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